The Why: Abuse history in brief.
Aug. 23rd, 2009 11:54 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
zfarcherSomeday, someone will find this. Probably none of this will be a surprise, but just in case I post this somewhere. It probably won't get me forgiveness, but might explain why I finally gave up.
In brief:
At the age of 4, my mother died, shortly before she would have grabbed us kids and left my father.
At the age of 5, my father started molesting me. Of course, I failed to recognize it for what it was.
By the age of 12, I was “servicing” a small group of men, and was being paid for sex by some of them.
By the time I left home at 17, I had had some sort of sexual contact with at least 10 men including two relatives, one teacher, one scout junior leader, and the father of my first girlfriend. Sometimes I was forcibly raped (as opposed to my willing cooperation) and sometimes failure to properly perform would be punished. My memory of some of the events are hazy as alcohol was sometimes involved, not to mention a bit of denial on my part.
At 18, I joined the Navy. Discharged a year and a half later due to a suicide attempt. It was also during that time that I began cutting.
Following that, I entered a period of denial, just pretending everything was cool. I started to use as my addiction during this period.
Since then I’ve dealt with several periods of major depression, two more suicide attempts, and being hospitalized three times. In 2006 I was diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder, PTSD, Social Anxiety Disorder, and Borderline Personality Disorder.
In brief:
At the age of 4, my mother died, shortly before she would have grabbed us kids and left my father.
At the age of 5, my father started molesting me. Of course, I failed to recognize it for what it was.
By the age of 12, I was “servicing” a small group of men, and was being paid for sex by some of them.
By the time I left home at 17, I had had some sort of sexual contact with at least 10 men including two relatives, one teacher, one scout junior leader, and the father of my first girlfriend. Sometimes I was forcibly raped (as opposed to my willing cooperation) and sometimes failure to properly perform would be punished. My memory of some of the events are hazy as alcohol was sometimes involved, not to mention a bit of denial on my part.
At 18, I joined the Navy. Discharged a year and a half later due to a suicide attempt. It was also during that time that I began cutting.
Following that, I entered a period of denial, just pretending everything was cool. I started to use as my addiction during this period.
Since then I’ve dealt with several periods of major depression, two more suicide attempts, and being hospitalized three times. In 2006 I was diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder, PTSD, Social Anxiety Disorder, and Borderline Personality Disorder.